28 Most Hilarious, weird, sarcastic and inspiring Nigerian Twitter bios

Welcome!!!!
This is a list of the most hilarious, weirdest, most sarcastic and
most inspiring Nigerian Twitter Bios in no specific order

1 @berryMaleek
if you look into my soul you may find GOLD and get rich ....+grins*

2 @Dat_OAU_Geek
CGPA 5.0 |All Department All Faculty. No Tweetfeed just here to catch fun

3 @_Naakii_
Where is my plantain??

4 @OscarRanking
The Waec Candidate #Promoter

5 @keneclinton
There is no way am telling you anything about myself

6 @Miz_behaviour
GOLD COATED Shit, I'm a real fake person, hands trained to type
shit , ass on reserve, Uniports little rat

7 @wonderben
I torture for fun, nasty I am, Music Lover

8 @3ppleA_Official
Fucking with me is an art of treason and I shall have your head.
its 3ppleA's World

9 @beaniefemme
|Certified amebor|

10 @That_Naijaboy
Imagine there is a bio here. 305 to my city

11 @mrgraymx4118
Is this where am supposed to impress someone

12 @Udozeal
kill a beat and cover my tracks like a train station

13 @Ya_spliff
The immaculate prove that GOD exists

14 @Abnormal_Pikin
kindly check my first tweet for my bio

15 @slick615
Don't just do that conclusion

16 @Pryme_it
a hundred and sixty characters ain't enough

17 @sistopy
Errrm..... what is dere to say?

18 @3Gweyreyboy
Never forget your family...... tho am not sure of some things but
am sure am not with you

19 @iamnotjustOk
Please if you catch sleeping at my burial, wake me up. Thanks
I'm not trying to be noticed I'm trying to be remembered

20 @NickyButterCup
my brain went on vacation without telling me, now I am insane
and stupid #TeamMUFC

21 @KUSH_MIDE
THEN: I'm just a boy standing in front of the world asking you to
follow me

22 @LilBetsyMusa
Details Dont always make a person

23 @olatostar
still the future ondo state governor , so famz now or struggle later

24 @stalemyte
Many people call me idiot I don't correct them........ sarcastic Gooner

25 @Given_ Deluxe
This is simple I am not your friend
26 @junefifteen
Prefer liars to pretenders

27 @itsbrill
This is not the original me, am still looking for the real me.
Reserved! living the life

28 @Ms_cyn
Beyonce has ruined my life

That's it tweeps, Another list comes up December 23rd 2014, Meanwhile
have a good day and if your handle didn't appear here that means you
need to think hard

PS: before you say am jobless am a student!



by @itsbrill !!

Why Our Girls Must Be Brought Back!

The say its 273!, yes 273,
The say some escaped, I know they
would
because a Nigerian Girl with Education can do anything
can escape from terrorists.
A Nigerian Girl with Education is a threat to terrorism
I ask myself most times,
Why didn't they kidnap them from the club?
Or from their houses?
No, they didn't,
they chose the school,
because they are scared of what she will do if she`s educated.
People say "A Pen is Mightier than the Sword"
I say "An Educated Nigerian Girl is Mightier than thousands of men with AK47`s and bullet proofs
They chose to keep the girls because they don't want more CHIMAMANDA`s, more BUCHI EMECHETA`s, more OMOTOLA`s, more CHIOMA CHUKWUKA`s, more GENEVIEVE
No, they don't want that to happen.

I put it to them: if they are not scared of the Nigerian Girl, then they should bring her back and watch her destroy them.

BRING BACK OUR GIRLS,
I want to read more BOOKS
I want to see more MOVIES
I want to see more EDUCATED WOMEN
I want to see more NATION BUILDERS
Above all, I want to see more MOTHERS!!!!!



By @itsbrill
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

The Things They Never Told Us

They never told us that you don't find love, that love finds you!

They never told us that life is filled with ups and downs, that our
decisions makes us who we are

They never thought us to adapt to situations

They never told us that there would be a time in ones life when living
would no longer be fun, they always told us that suicide is bad, they
never told us the benefits of suicide, of how it puts all our pains
and agony to an end! They never told us that life is cruel and that
death is sweet, they never told us that when we die, that we become
free men, owing no debt neither are we owed, they never told us that
death is FREEDOM!

They never told us that love is like a cage, that when you love from
the heart, then you start dying, no they never told us that there
would be heartbreaks, they never told us that true love is hard to
find, they never told us that people change, and that our loved ones
would one day become our foes, they never told us that communication
is very important in a relationship, they never told us that you never
stop loving rather you reduce it to the lowest minimum, they always
told us to get over heart breaks and betrayals but they never showed
us how to do it. They never told us that one day we would love the
wrong ones, they never taught us how to stop loving them no they
didn't.

Uniport Tales Episode 1

Back to my story, after writing my two JAMB exams I had already lost hope and was thinking of writing another one come 2014, but with Gods help I was admitted into the University Of Port Harcourt. Lemme tell you how it went down,

That night I was sitting down chatting with somebody special, we were deep into the chat that none of us wanted it to stop and it was already 11pm and my parents and my older sibling were like Alice in Wonderland, while chatting Emmanuel my guy just sent me a ping:
Emmanuel: "Guy 2nd Admission List is Out o"
Brill: "Its a lie, I just checked it this afternoon" I lied
Emmanuel: Check again, they just released it now
Brill: Okay

I reluctantly opened my opera mini and typed www.uniport.edu.ng on my URL space, the page opened, I scrolled down to the "LATEST NEWS" feature on the site, then I saw it boldly written "2ND ADMISSION LIST" my heart was racing and I am sure that my heart could run faster than Usain Bolt at that moment, I prayed silently, then clicked on the download button (it was in PDF format) at the same time I was still chatting but this time I delayed before replying not because I was busy but because all that was on my mind was what this list held for me, I went back to see how far it was going, then all I saw was "DOWNLÓADED" from all corners of the phone, I put the phone down so that I would be sure that this was really my phone cos the "DOWNLOADED" could be seen from all angles, has my phone turned to a 5D phone? I asked myself, bracing myself up I picked up the phone, opened the file and scrolled down, I thought about typing my name for it to search by itself, I discarded the idea, so I scrolled down, I opted in to Study Economics, so I quickly scrolled down to the letter "E" I scrolled down one after the other slowly, before I knew it I was through with "E", I still scrolled up again, cross checked twice and then I knew my name was not there, I didn't panic, I just kept scrolling down, cos I've heard of people who were not given the course they chose but were given other courses, so I still had little hope, then I got to the letter "P" (Political Science) I scrolled down, when I got to #46 I received the shocker of my life, I saw my name there I calmed down scrolled to confirm if it was really me, I knew my Registration number off hand so I cross checked it and it was ME! I screamed and my Parents and Sibling woke up

@itsbrill on twitter
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Uniport Tales: Prologue

Am Brill from Imo State, the last of 3 children (3 boys). Left secondary school 2012, got admission into the UNIVERSITY OF PORT HARCOURT (Uniport) 2013 . Writing JAMB wasn't easy, while in secondary school, I had always believed that JAMB was simple (yes, because I was intelligent), I was the Senior Prefect of my school back in secondary school. Lemme take you back a little to my secondary school days. After school that sunny wednesday me and my class mate Ifeanyi went to buy our JAMB forms, when we got to the Business Center we saw a beautiful lady sitting close to the computer screen in front of her, the shop was big not very big but it was bigger than most of the business centers I've ever seen, when we walked close to the Lady`s desk she raised her head up lo and behold this lady was more beautiful than we thought, I eyed my friend who smiled, changing his voice he said "we want to buy JAMB forms" she didn't smile at all she just kept staring at us, maybe because of our school uniforms or because we were cute, I didn't know but all I knew was that she was staring at us, finally she said something "it is 5,500 Ñaira for everything" her voice was out of this world, I had already started imagining her being my girlfriend, wife or something, I just couldn't stop looking at her, drowned in my imagination I let my friend do all the talking, I knew he must have been wondering what's wrong, why I am not saying anything cos he knows I love to talk but at that moment I didn't care what he would think I just thought about this beautiful lady in front of me, I came back to life when Ifeanyi tapped me to bring my own money, I quickly searched through my already scattered pocket, brought out the money and gave it to her, she motioned us to sit down while she brought the forms, we sat down and she called "Adam, bring two forms" Adam a short man, who looked rough and maybe in his late twenties brought the forms and handed it over to us, we took it and filled them then handed it back to her.



@itsbrill on twitter
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Open Letter To My Fellow Nigerians by @itsbrill

Good day y`all, I've been reading a lot of open letters this days, so
I decided to write mine. Join Me as we travel


I was reading a post yesterday on Linda Ikeji`s blog, Popular
comedian Bright Okpocha aka Basket Mouth, put up a joke on Facebook
about how Nigerian guys spend so much unlike their counterparts in
other countries, in the joke he mentioned "RAPE" and I was surprised
at some peoples comment, some said he encouraged rape and so forth,
okay, we all know he is a comedian, and that comedians say many things
just to make people laugh. When you go to shows you see that comedians
even insult their host and other dignitaries there and nobody takes it
personal, so I want to ask....... Why Must Nigerians take this one
personal? The only answer to that question is the fact that this
people are lame in their reasoning, or maybe this people might have
been raped before or may even be rapist themselves (why I say so is
because people usually condemn things publicly meanwhile they are the
real ones doing it, if you don't agree with me scrutinize yourself
properly, try to remember something your sibling did and you scolded
him meanwhile you also do it). Why can't we as Nigerians stop taking
things too personal? While ASUU was on strike how many students wrote
open letters to ASUU or FG? But I've seen so many letters directed at
Basket Mouth, Please We need to stop this Hypocrisy and admit the fact
that we all have sinned against our Creator, yet anytime we ask for
forgiveness he still forgives us.


When Maheeda the so called gospel singer started posting nudes,
Nigerians finished her, calling her all sort of names, but lemme ask
you ARE YOU BETTER THAN HER? I know some of you would say "Yes" but if
we can be more truthful to ourselves we are not better than her, lemme
tell you why: fornication, posting nudes, adultery, stealing, murder,
rape all are the same (don't be deceived) no sin is small and none is
big, because Maheeda posted her nude pictures online doesn't make you
the one who fornicates everyday better than her.... Or is it because
we haven't caught you?


Chika Ike is one girl whom I've started to love now, when she spent
900k in one hotel in Dubai for one night, people were calling her
names, please lemme use this medium to ask IS IT YOUR MONEY?? Where
you there when she was hustling for it?? Why is it paining you?? Now
you want to come and talk, please if you can't afford to live such
life don't insult those who can, after all did they tell you not to
hustle so that you can live large too??

I know most people will say: "my comments are mine, since we have
freedom of speech I can say anything" but please lemme remind you, its
their life, and also remember that you no holy pass. So next time if
you want to comment on Linda`s blog or on 360nobs or any other blog
please search your heart before you comment, are you better than that
person you want to haul insults on? If after much scrutiny, you are
not better than them, please just read the post and don't comment, it
would be appreciated but if you know you are PERFECT please read and
comment and don't forget that God dislikes hypocrites, so do you want
God to dislike you? Am sure nobody wants that (Remember the woman in
the bible)


Don't Judge that you may not be Judged




PS: Am not in support neither am I against their doings. Those above
are my thoughts, feel free to agree or disagree but before you insult
me remember "SCRUTINIZE YOURSELF".

By @itsbrill

Growing Up! Episode 2 by @itsbrill

Kelechi reluctantly answered "no where" (that's his favorite answer), my mom then said "make una mind una sef oo". Kelechi sat close to my father to plug his samsung Galaxy, then his headset went in, when mom finished cooking we all ate and my mom, dad and Ibe went to bed, I stayed awake cos I had this my class mate whom I had a crush on, and fortunately she was online and we were chatting
Me: hello
Henrietta: hi
Me: whatsup
Henrietta: 5n
Me: ΰя day?
Henrietta: 5n
Me: Ok

And she never replied until I slept off.

Woke up so early to go to school, my school is not far from our house.
*****
Meanwhile, my bro Kenneth is at home chilling. All he did at home is kill his battery. His friend shows up, (he doesn't like his friends visiting him, he love visiting them) he peeped through our dirty window net and he saw Micheal, he didn't like Micheal that much cos Micheal talked too much, Micheal is a tall lanky looking boy, he wore a blue shirt and a black short with his leather ponds (that's the only expensive thing the dude owned), he knocks again and my kenneth reluctantly walks to the door, seeing the Micheal he said "stupid boy, na so you d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ waka d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ visit people for this kain early morning, you no get work"? Micheal smiled showing his 32 teeth, before he could open the door to come inside, kenneth opened it first and went outside with him to sit in a long bench close to our house. They both sit there for close to 2 hours until Micheal finally decided to leave, Kenneth was over happy at least he can go in and rest, they both shook hands and off Micheal walked out
********
When I got back from school, my dad was already back from work, he was busy studying for a talk he had at church, my dad always studied so hard for talks but at the ends he goes there and disgraces us all, because of that anytime he had talks we would all come very late so that we wount be there to watch him disgrace us. The man was studying zealously you, am sure if Chris Rock had studied like this he would have gone to college, I thought to myself. "Daddy good afternoon" I said, "ehem welcome" he said, I just removed my uniforms and threw it anywhere my hand faced, then went to the kitchen to eat, after eating I rested for a while before going to bed, I hardly slept at noons so I just lay there thinking: I thought of so many things but my best thought was that I was from some rich family, and that I was too cute, girls were dying to see me, I also thought about having a verified twitter account, I also thought about how I chilled with Wizkid, Dbanj, Ice prince and how I took photos with them and posted them on instagram and twitter, I thought about so many things, then I heard "Abuchi" kenneth was calling, he walked to the room where I slept and asked me "how do I look"?" Mtcheww, see kori man" I snapped. He always loved to hear how good he looked and that's one of the things you gat to do to be his friend, just compliment his dressing then you are a friend for life
******
Our church was not that big but was big enough to contain close to 160 people, the members have all seated down, then the chairman introduced my father as the one to give the talk for today, my father wore a very fat shirt that kenneth often referred to "parachute", my dad walked slowly to the alter he stood there dropped his bible on the bible stand, then he started
"The lord is good......." While giving his talk he never stood at one place, I don't know if I should call it pacing he paced around the alter like he was dancing to one of these ancient songs, we barely heard what he said, but at least he finally finished we clapped (that's what we do, even if yu don't perform well, they always clapped).
When we got home kenneth immediately told my dad his flaws, in our house we hardly accept correction, (that's what happens when you have too many professors I guess), my dad never agreed to any of his flaws, he praised himself. My mom had this habit of keeping quiet unnecessarily, after we finished eating my mom called us together (Lecture begins):

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.