My Twitter Crush

Sandra, yeah that was her name. my twitter crush, her tweets are
mostly about her self. I stalked her for the next 6months and I was
already tripping for her, I've never retweeted or even mentioned her,
I just loved reading her tweet, loved refreshing her tweets, loved
reading her favorites, how pleasant they were to my eyes. I knew her
handle and bio by heart, I followed her on instagram even though she
doesn't follow back (I wasn't expecting her to follow back tho), she
was all I wanted in a girl, the way she smiles when she pose for the
camera, most times I wonder if she ever gets angry, how would someone
be so wicked to make her angry? I thought to myself.


Today 23rd December 2014 is a good day, a day to man up and tell
her how I feel, I click on the direct message button, I looked at it
twice and I felt like going back but that inner voice kept saying "you
can do it". I typed her handle, and then everything I planned to send
to her ran out from my brain like the way my elder brother would run
when there is a free bus from Nigeria to London.


"Hello, how you doing? this is awkward but I have to do it, I am
your biggest fan, I like you, I adore you, I know so much about you
than you can imagine"


I sighed and tapped the send button, then closed my eyes and opened
it, it has been delivered. So I will sit here and wait for her to
reply, even if she doesn't I will gladly know I tried. Its January 7th
2015 and am still waiting for her reply, waiting
anxiously.............

Treasure

When would I be free from myself? When will I muster up the courage to
tell her I love her? Why is life so cruel?

I see her coming out from the big PS Hall and I just can't help
but think about her, I've known her since last semester, I know her
name, I know everything about her, she's the last of 3 children, she
loves watching soccer, she supports Barcelona, I've been stalking her
for the past five months, am not sure she knows I exist but I know
everything about her, I know her twitter and instagram handles by
heart, I brag about her to my friends, I tell them "my Treasure is
better than all your girlfriends".

I know she would never go for a guy like me, why would she? Am
like an old paper in a hoody. Nothing can happen between us, so for
the time being she will continue to be my "Mental Girlfriend, My
Treasure"









By @itsbrill

OMALICHA

Omalicha has always been my seat mate from Primary 2 and now we are in Primary 4, I've known everything about her, she likes Uduak the short calaber boy in our class, I don't even know why she liked him, he was not even brilliant and I even asked my sister Adaku if he is fine and she said "NO".
Omalicha is the prettiest girl in our class, her dad owns the bakery factory across the road, I know everything about her and I can go on and on about her but there is no time for that, am not sure if she even knows how to pronounce my full name Kolakanikome, she just calls me "Kaykay" and oh God I love it when she calls me that, she knows me as that brilliant boy that sells Ugwu for his mum after school.

I've always had a crush on her from primary two when I first saw her, and she doesn't even know its because of her I read to take the first position, I wanted to impress her but that just made me her "home work boy" and would she ever know I do her own assignments before mine? Does she know that most times I write the wrong answers for myself, so that she would score the highest, but what do I get? Just a "aii Thank you Kaykay" and "you are very brilliant oh" and I sit and watch her follow Uduak to ANTY Anthonia's shop to buy him puff puff.

I sit and watch my crush go home everyday with Uduak, (that name I've come to hate each day) and I wonder if I will ever let her know I like her but how do I tell her, so I just bottle up my feeling, like I've done for two years now and moreover it just one year that's left and then we would be through with Primary school, and at least I can be free from the endless torment but for now "Thank you kaykay" is my "I like you kaykay"

*** This message has been sent using GIONEE M2 ***

Letter To My 22 Year Old Self

I've been wanting to write you this..........

First of all I would ask you , are you now serving at your NYSC
camp ground in Ogun State?

While you were still in school did you see the girl, the one I've
always wanted you to see, I hope she is cute and that she loves
writing and rapping, I hope she controls her speech, I hope you have
not told her that you would marry her yet, just make hear a friend but
don't let anybody snatch her away from you,

You graduated with first class abi?? did those people in uniport
give you that scholarship?? I hope you told Professor Martins
Ifeanacho that he is the best lecturer you have ever seen.

Did you open that business at Abuja park close to mama abuja?
Did you write to Rhonda Byrne again? Did you get to meet Chimamanda
Ngozi Adichie? Did you ask her how she got such talent to write those
nice books, did you tell her that I love Kambili the character she
brought to life in that book Purple Hibiscus?

Guy, are you still shy as usual or have you changed? Do you
still slim fit your trousers and shirts?

I hope you are now an elder or a ministerial servant? I hope
you've stopped imagining things, are you still on twitter? please give
twitter less time, am sure it would no longer be fun, do you still
like magical movies? I hope you have so many female friends.

Before I forget please be fast with that your NYSC thing and
start your MSc programme fast fast, have you met Dbanj, Rihanna,
Messi, 2face, Justin Bieber, M.I, Bill Gate, Mark Zuckerberg, Dangote,
Warren Buffet and the rest (you know them) in person?? if you have not
done so please be fast. Did you become a uniport celeb like we always
dreamed, Hope you still talk to those our friends (don't have to
mention names, you know them).

I hope you have told Tomi Adesina, Walter Shakes and the TNC
crew that am a big fan





By @itsbrill

28 Most Hilarious, weird, sarcastic and inspiring Nigerian Twitter bios

Welcome!!!!
This is a list of the most hilarious, weirdest, most sarcastic and
most inspiring Nigerian Twitter Bios in no specific order

1 @berryMaleek
if you look into my soul you may find GOLD and get rich ....+grins*

2 @Dat_OAU_Geek
CGPA 5.0 |All Department All Faculty. No Tweetfeed just here to catch fun

3 @_Naakii_
Where is my plantain??

4 @OscarRanking
The Waec Candidate #Promoter

5 @keneclinton
There is no way am telling you anything about myself

6 @Miz_behaviour
GOLD COATED Shit, I'm a real fake person, hands trained to type
shit , ass on reserve, Uniports little rat

7 @wonderben
I torture for fun, nasty I am, Music Lover

8 @3ppleA_Official
Fucking with me is an art of treason and I shall have your head.
its 3ppleA's World

9 @beaniefemme
|Certified amebor|

10 @That_Naijaboy
Imagine there is a bio here. 305 to my city

11 @mrgraymx4118
Is this where am supposed to impress someone

12 @Udozeal
kill a beat and cover my tracks like a train station

13 @Ya_spliff
The immaculate prove that GOD exists

14 @Abnormal_Pikin
kindly check my first tweet for my bio

15 @slick615
Don't just do that conclusion

16 @Pryme_it
a hundred and sixty characters ain't enough

17 @sistopy
Errrm..... what is dere to say?

18 @3Gweyreyboy
Never forget your family...... tho am not sure of some things but
am sure am not with you

19 @iamnotjustOk
Please if you catch sleeping at my burial, wake me up. Thanks
I'm not trying to be noticed I'm trying to be remembered

20 @NickyButterCup
my brain went on vacation without telling me, now I am insane
and stupid #TeamMUFC

21 @KUSH_MIDE
THEN: I'm just a boy standing in front of the world asking you to
follow me

22 @LilBetsyMusa
Details Dont always make a person

23 @olatostar
still the future ondo state governor , so famz now or struggle later

24 @stalemyte
Many people call me idiot I don't correct them........ sarcastic Gooner

25 @Given_ Deluxe
This is simple I am not your friend
26 @junefifteen
Prefer liars to pretenders

27 @itsbrill
This is not the original me, am still looking for the real me.
Reserved! living the life

28 @Ms_cyn
Beyonce has ruined my life

That's it tweeps, Another list comes up December 23rd 2014, Meanwhile
have a good day and if your handle didn't appear here that means you
need to think hard

PS: before you say am jobless am a student!



by @itsbrill !!

Why Our Girls Must Be Brought Back!

The say its 273!, yes 273,
The say some escaped, I know they
would
because a Nigerian Girl with Education can do anything
can escape from terrorists.
A Nigerian Girl with Education is a threat to terrorism
I ask myself most times,
Why didn't they kidnap them from the club?
Or from their houses?
No, they didn't,
they chose the school,
because they are scared of what she will do if she`s educated.
People say "A Pen is Mightier than the Sword"
I say "An Educated Nigerian Girl is Mightier than thousands of men with AK47`s and bullet proofs
They chose to keep the girls because they don't want more CHIMAMANDA`s, more BUCHI EMECHETA`s, more OMOTOLA`s, more CHIOMA CHUKWUKA`s, more GENEVIEVE
No, they don't want that to happen.

I put it to them: if they are not scared of the Nigerian Girl, then they should bring her back and watch her destroy them.

BRING BACK OUR GIRLS,
I want to read more BOOKS
I want to see more MOVIES
I want to see more EDUCATED WOMEN
I want to see more NATION BUILDERS
Above all, I want to see more MOTHERS!!!!!



By @itsbrill
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

The Things They Never Told Us

They never told us that you don't find love, that love finds you!

They never told us that life is filled with ups and downs, that our
decisions makes us who we are

They never thought us to adapt to situations

They never told us that there would be a time in ones life when living
would no longer be fun, they always told us that suicide is bad, they
never told us the benefits of suicide, of how it puts all our pains
and agony to an end! They never told us that life is cruel and that
death is sweet, they never told us that when we die, that we become
free men, owing no debt neither are we owed, they never told us that
death is FREEDOM!

They never told us that love is like a cage, that when you love from
the heart, then you start dying, no they never told us that there
would be heartbreaks, they never told us that true love is hard to
find, they never told us that people change, and that our loved ones
would one day become our foes, they never told us that communication
is very important in a relationship, they never told us that you never
stop loving rather you reduce it to the lowest minimum, they always
told us to get over heart breaks and betrayals but they never showed
us how to do it. They never told us that one day we would love the
wrong ones, they never taught us how to stop loving them no they
didn't.